15 Principles for Relationships:

1. He or she who loves the least, controls the most.

2. Successful relationships don't begin by finding the right person, they begin by being the right person.

3. Who we are attracted to in the future is largely based upon what we did not resolve in our past relationships.

4. Opposites can and do attract. We are often drawn to qualities and characteristics in others that we lack ourselves, but "things in common" stand the test of time.

5. People tend to repeatedly engage in poor relationships because "we seek out what is familiar to us and what we practice, we become good at."

6. People don't grieve (or review) failed relationships, they replace them as they have been taught over time that "there are plenty of other fish in the sea."

7. Women vent. Men solve. Women prefer to discuss conflict, while men attempt to solve problems independently. Women express conflict in emotional terms, men hear conflict in problem solving terms. Anger is simply a blocked goal.

8. People will sabotage their own relationships (or immerse themselves in the life of another person) rather than disrupt the daily routines by which they live their lives.

9. Forgiveness is consciously giving up your right to hurt someone who has previously hurt you.

10. The most difficult topics for people to discuss sensibly without arguing are: money, power, sex, religion, politics, alcohol consumption and relatives (control issues).

11. Time makes people more human. Imperfections gradually rise to the surface. Early feelings of infatuation will ultimately give way to clearer images of reality.

12. Loneliness and low self-esteem are powerful influences and leave many people thinking that it is better to be in a poor relationship than no relationship at all.

13. Many women are attracted to "emotionally unavailable men" because they are unpredictable, present a challenge, and don't place undue pressure on women by appearing overly needy. "Nice" guys tend to divulge information too quickly and try too hard to impress. They give the impression that "no matter what you do, I'll still be here."

14. You will rarely, if ever, attract anyone who is any healthier than you are. If you do attract someone healthier, you will not attract them for very long (and versa).

15. It is impossible for a person to consistently act in a way that is inconsistent with the way they perceive themselves.

TRUE LOVE IS . . . .

  1. Loves truth and reality.
  2. Grows – takes time. Roots sink slowly and deeply into deep soil of the soul.
  3. Crept up quietly but thrillingly, may well be love
    1. Based on knowledge.
    2. Knows well the one it loves.
    3. Knows why it loves.
    4. It observes and appraises.
    5. Held firmly by many tires.
  4. Embraces the whole personality, aware of shortcomings and defects – evaluates them.
  5. Realistic. Thrill comes from facts. Even its dreams are reasonable and realizable.
  6. Has as much of giving as seeking.
  7. Centered on loved one – not on self. Seeks a real union.
  8. Is honest – only expresses what it feels and believes.
    1. Feelings become words.
    2. Words become action.
    3. Actions become union of soul and body.
  9. Is constant, enduring – grows patient.
  10. Tends to be faithful.
  11. Gives
    1. Calmness and security.
    2. Happiness and ambition.
    3. Inspires work and leads to honest planning.
  12. Has ideals but doesn’t over-idealize-revamps ideals to fit the beloved.
  13. Physical element strongly present but doesn’t dominate true sense and right spirit.
  14. Makes no apologies for the loved one – doesn’t feel ashamed.
  15. Makes sacrifices: seeks happiness of loved one and finds its own happiness therein.
  16. Based on realities: family, background, education, social position, religious tenets, more standards, financial situation, friends, interests and experiences.

ROMANTIC LOVE . . . .

  1. Creates the objects of its love.
    1. In Dreams.
    2. Blind to facts.
    3. Drugged by false expectation.
  2. Falls into infatuation (fall fast with acceleration)
    1. Falling is uncontrollable.
    2. Seldom lasts long.
    3. Often disastrous.
    4. Provides a whooshing, engulfing thrill.
    5. “Head-Over-Heels” – probably infatuated.
  3. Swept up in strong attraction for a few compelling traits.
  4. Ignores shortcomings as though intensity of feeling should burn them up.
  5. Thrives on fancy and fantasy.
  6. Dominates unknowingly.
  7. Seeks loved one as source of personal joy, pleasure and satisfaction.
  8. Reveres the process. Thrives hastily and withers quickly
    1. Meaning is lacking.
    2. Just fun and thrilling.
  9. Is changeable as it is hasty.
  10. Apt to flitter.
  11. Gives:
    1. Thrills and joy.
    2. Sorrows and jealousies.
    3. Uncertainties.
    4. Destroys application and appetite and disposition.
  12. Believes lover fits its highest ideals.
    1. Believes true love is made in heaven.
    2. Believes they are predestined mates, inevitably for each other by fate.
  13. Stress the sensual.
  14. Apt to be embarrassed before parents, friends, priests.
  15. Thinks of self – seeks personal satisfaction; self, primary – loved one, secondary.
  16. Ignores such base concerns.

CREATIVE DATING IDEAS

ACTIVE/ATHLETIC DATES:
Go Camping
Go Horseback riding
Go fishing
Go miniature golfing
Go whitewater rafting
Go dancing
Rake leaves in a pile
Driving Range
Windsurf
Go roller blading
Walk your dog
Climb a tree
Bike built for two
Play broomball
Go swimming
Visit caves
Play frisbee
Play tennis
Play volleyball
Hot air balloon ride
Go water-skiing
Go sailing
Take flying lessons
Go to a playground
Go to the horse races
Go to an amusement park
Play laser tag
Learn to rock climb
Go bowling
Walk your dog
Play hanky sack
Wash each other cars
Go sledding
Workout together
Build a snowman
Ride go-carts
Catch fire flies
Play croquet
Cook out
Visit a city park
Run in the rain

SOCIAL OR GROUP DATES:
Go to a zoo
See a play
Play board games
Go to the drive-in
Take in a stranger's wedding
Double date with parents and/or grandparents
Go to a car show
See fireworks
Go to an ice skating show
Visit other colleges
Go to the mall
Have a small party
Visit each others grandparents
Go to church
Take a hobby class
3 envelopes date
Visit a haunted house
Attend a circus
Go to garage sales/yard sales
Play card games
Fast food restaurant hopping
Make your own video
Hayride
Progressive mock kidnap party
Cruise in a convertible
Progressive dinner
People watch at the mall

MUSIC/EDUCATIONAL DATES:
Go to a concert
Read the Bible
Go to an opera
Go out for a cultural dinner
Listen to CD's or tapes
Visit another city
Study together
Go to Seaworld or a similar place
Visit a museum
Volunteer at a soup kitchen
Go to a bookstore

MISCELLANEOUS DATES:
Go to the airport
Pillow fight
Go grocery shopping
Build ice cream sundaes
Shaving cream fights
Color in coloring books
Go to an arcade
Take a sleigh ride
Polaroid Scavenger Hunt
Go window shopping
Visit a pet store
Rent a limo
Baby-sit together
Do yard work
Visit the others job
Ride the bus
Test drive a car
Hot dogs/sodas at 7-11
Puddle jump in the rain
Finger paint
Look at each others baby pictures
Do laundry together
Carve a pumpkin
Read old high school yearbooks
Eating (A to Z)
Watch the sun rise
Picnic on the 50 yrd. line, half court, pictures mount, 18th hole.
Feed ducks
Look at Christmas lights
Donate blood
Read the Star, Globe or Enquirer together and laugh
Try clothes on in an exclusive story

Sunday, October 08, 2006